Ah, roadkill, the unsung mascot of every highway department. It doesn’t matter if you’re running a sleepy rural township or managing a busy county road crew, sooner or later, your phone will ring with that inevitable complaint:

“There’s a dead something-or-other in the middle of Elm Street. Smells like next Tuesday.”

Welcome to one of the more charming aspects of the job.

Who Gets the Call?

In theory, many state and local highway departments are tasked with removing roadkill from public roads. In practice, it’s often a game of hot potato:

• State highway? Call DOT.
• Town road? Highway department.
• Private driveway? Not your circus, not your raccoon.

When in doubt, know your jurisdiction, and be ready to explain it to the resident who thinks you personally placed the deer there.

The “Equipment List”

Dealing with roadkill doesn’t take a PhD in wildlife biology, but it does require the right tools:

• Gloves. Thick ones. The thicker the better.
• Shovel or scoop. Preferably one not used later for ice cream socials.
• Heavy-duty garbage bags. You’ll want extras. Trust me.
• Safety vest & cones. You’ll need a work zone if you’re removing anything larger than a chipmunk.
• Strong stomach. Optional, but recommended.

The Removal Process

1. Assess the scene.
   Is it flat? Is it fresh? Is it, well… still moving? Make sure the animal is deceased. You don’t want to be remembered as that person who got chased by a half-stunned skunk.
2. Suit up.
   PPE isn’t just for show here. And if the weather’s warm, consider applying a little menthol under your nose. (Veterans know this trick.)
3. Bag it or tag it.
   If it fits in a bag, double-bag it and transport it per your town or state’s disposal protocols. If it doesn’t fit… call for backup or arrange for appropriate disposal (composting site, landfill, or authorized burial).
4. Sanitize everything.
   That means your tools, your gloves, your truck bed, and probably your soul.

A Few Pro Tips

• Document the removal if required by your department’s policies. Some towns track these incidents for public safety or wildlife monitoring.
• Be prepared for spectators. Nothing draws a crowd like a crew scooping a bloated raccoon at 8 AM.
• Develop a sense of humor. Without one, this part of the job will haunt you.

The Unofficial Rules of Roadkill

• The bigger the animal, the smaller your crew.
• The worse the smell, the closer to lunchtime it will be.
• You’ll never hear “thank you” for roadkill removal, but you will hear about it if you don’t show up.

In Closing

While roadkill cleanup isn’t exactly the stuff of glamorous Instagram posts, it’s an important public service that keeps roads safe, sanitary, and navigable. And hey, at least it makes for great stories at the next safety meeting.

Stay safe out there, and watch for the vultures (both feathered and political).

🦝🚧